"There's a new day dawning as a cold rain falls
And now's the time to walk alone."
~~ "Man in the rain", Mike Oldfield
My gym instructor has a saying: "Winners never quit, Quitters never win." I think he got it off one of those motivational posters. I saw a de-motivational one with the same saying and the subtitle "But those who never win and still never quit are idiots"
Generally, society considers "giving up" to be a bad thing. It speaks of a lack of perseverance or will-power. An unwillingness to go the distance.
However, sometimes Quitting is thought to be a good thing. Quitting smoking, or a bad job, can be a laudable thing.
But, in both the positive or negative sense, it involves stopping an association or an activity. And there's usually a reason why we stop it.
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I've been thinking a but about divorce lately. In the last few weeks 5 of my friends have split up from marriages or long-term relationships. Another is on the rocks, and could go either way.
I don't know all the details as to why, and the ones I have heard about, I only have one side of the story. So, I won't discuss any specifics on them. But the basis of walking away from a relationship is much the same as walking away from a job, or from smoking: You see more benefit from leaving than you do from staying.
It got me thinking - what is the tipping point in a relationship? Is there a month, a week, a day or even an identifiable second when you go from "If we try harder, we can make this work" to "I can't do this any more".
It is a sudden about turn? A feeling that comes on gradually that you can just pick up and walk away? Statistically, 50% of relationships are doing just that, so it's far from uncommon nowadays.
Do people leave because they no longer want to be in a relationship? Or go because the grass on the other side looks greener? Or that ANY grass would be preferable to the muddy field they're standing in.
Are the people staying and trying to make it work the heroes with the staying power? Or are the ones who aren't winning and aren't quitting idiots? And where is the line drawn?
Interesting questions.... I wish I had some interesting answers. If you do, please comment below....
4 comments:
I think people walk away because it's easier than actually working for it. In a society that demands instant results, we realise there is a long hard process. That being said, why should anyone remain unhappy for a long time.
Not that I can talk. I can never truly work out when to go
It's a good point - but how instant are the "instant results" we crave?
So, if you don't want to be unhappy for a "long time", then how long is long enough? How long to you try, and at what point do you walk away?
Or, perhaps, is it better to walk away earlier - whilst you still have respect and a little affection for the other person, so you both can think well of each other?
this is really interesting.
never been married, but i've had relationships that i struggled to maintain, until i realised i was done being miserable and finished them.
but to try and work out when that exact point was... that's hard.
i'm the type of person that will persevere until there's nothing left of me. i will try and change myself or my perspective on the situation first, and when that doesn't work, then i'll cut my losses and end it.
it could be easier to finish things early and walk away without bothering to put in the effort, but effort always leads you to a stronger place in the end, so effort is worth the effort, i guess.
very hard to use my words.. can't i just mime a response instead? :)
Hey Locust,
Well its taken me a couple of days to post a reply here, mainly because ive been trying to think of what to say.
I'm what my Mother calls a "Serial Monogamist" Sine i was 13, (in 2000) ive had a 12 month relationship, a 2.5 year relationship, a 9 month relationship, a 3 year relationship, a 6 month relationship, and am currently in a nearly 2 year relationship.. i hope this one sticks! :)
Obviously im not married.
I have had some bad ones though, really, one was abusive, one was a "strictly religious" druggo, one was a muso, one was a womanizer, and thankfully the one i have now, well he is an absolute prince!
The only ones i walked away from, were the abusive & the Muso, the others walked away from me. I have been very guilty of "beating a dead horse" im stubborn i guess. I dont like the idea that ive given up on something.
For me the reasons ive walked away are as follows;
One cost me my child, the other was moving and didnt ask me to go with them, just assumed that i would up roots and follow them to somewhere i had no interest of being for their "career"
To me Marriage is sacred, and i know that i would honestly try EVERYTHING to keep the marriage together.
Allot of the time though i think people just grow apart, if you dont develop separate interests and joint interests then really there is no hope. You have to be able to have fun together as well as apart then how are you going to grow together?
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